My Past, My Present, My Future

I mean every single word I said.

2008-07-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

Longest time ever...I did not update my blog...I just have no time to update..

Life was a roller coster ride.. There are days...Im sooo in love with..and there are days..Ive just not in the mood to do anything.. PMS I guess.

Having hiM here with me, embark my new beginning of my life journey. The love tt I thought was lost years ago came back and now..Im so much in love with him. And I cant live a day without him. Strange as it may seems, we do have catfights every now and then.. but most of the time we cool it, kissed and made up all over again. How can I breathe with no air? Hes my shadow...my PIG~!!!!

:))

Those smses tt he sent every single words tt has been said and done, I kept it safely and I treasure every moments together. Why is it now days hes feeling very sickly? Everytime I see or hear him cough badly, my heart aches terribly. I do not want to even imagine the worst. Should anything happen to him, how am I moving on? My heart will die with him.

Ive given you my heart.

If anything happen to you...

My heart will too....

Youre still the one I wanna for life.

Why....

2008-06-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

Am I really drifting away from you???

I am not.

You have misunderstandood me.

Really.

2008-06-14T03:21:00.000-07:00

Its been a month plus we have been together. But it seems like we have been together for years. So many things, I don’t have to tell him what to do, he will auto do it as if he knows what I want. Strange as it seems, we have at least one telepathy per day. These are the small little things that make me love him more as day goes by. We have done the craziest things together. Things tt are unplanned for. Things tt just rock our world…

Darling, having you by my side was the greatest gift God has given to me. After all the unanswered prayers in my life, you came and God has answered my prayer for my love life. After being hurt over and over again, I lost faith in relationship. Having boyfriends around me is just to kill my time. None of them really make me feel the way you are to me right now. Moments without you by my side, I feel so lost at times and most of the time I have to put on a brave front, that I will survive. It’s been ages since I last fall in love. But right now, you make me fall in love with you over and over again. The feeling was so intense tt I sometimes wonder am I in a fantasy or reality. So many songs we shared sung and live by the lyrics. We shared so many common interest tt were so crazy. Too many that caught me breathless. You just rockz my world. Im not asking much from you, I just wanna be the sun in your darkness, your eyes when you cannot see and the air you breathe. I don’t wanna be the first woman in your life but the last one standing at the beginning with you. I pray whatever you asked for our future together come to pass as we wait on the Lord. Just remember, when the world turn against us, Jesus never leave us nor forsake us. As the season’s changes and people changes, He is still the same yesterday, today and forevermore. If He is for us, who can be against us. Thank God I found you. Ive search for my prince charming but none as crazy as you. I like… =))

Work has been crazy. I duno whether to enjoy it or not… Many things has happen. Im just too lazy to write about it. Whats the point of writing in here. Make Love not war. Love love love.

Work is crazy....

so crazy.

Someone is stuborn. Insisting to see what I type as he comes into the room. This is what I wanna tt someone to know.

YOU ARE A PIG THAT ROCK MY WORLD. Haa~

~i love you~

Sorry seems to be the hardest words..

2008-06-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

Our Love Story Begins....

And He Missing Me When He's Not Kissing Me

You have had some hard times

Had thorns placed in your side

I know about what you've been going through

The tears of pain are falling down

It hurts so bad you're crying out

Your problems won't last forever

Let me put you back together

Im at my wits end, I hate myself... that Im not able to be there when you needed me the most.

I really hate myself...

Im sorry.

My heartache.. so much. that I have to walk away.

I didnt know It was a mistake...

I shouldnt have walk away.

Because all I wanna do is to hug you and assured you that I'll be there for you.

I really do.

Im lost with the wind...

2008-05-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

I wrote a million words the other day, but its all lost. I guess I did not save it. Haiz... sad right?

So I have to begin with my sister, Sarah's birthday. We went to have dinner at Boat Quay. In one of the Irish pub. The fish & chip was a killer. Hahahaha.. But I ate like.. a bit only? Feels like vomiting.Then we went off to Sentosa coz she wanna go to Southern Point.. So dark take what picz sia? Hahaha..

I have something to say.. People in this world just love to make people upset aint they? Not happy can just shoot to my face. Why take as If Im invisible. I fugging right there sitting at my desk and youre ralking about me? What the Fugg~!!!! What team work? MY ASS~!! At least my ass knows what to do when I need to shit. WHAT A JOKE TO ME. I can see the true colours coming.. I can see the true colours turning.... I can see monster everywhere. Sentosa Express should be renamed~ Monster Inc Express. Hahaha. =((

Its been 22 days we are together.. Time flies.. But it seems we are like years together. Strange as it seems.. he is my shadow. I finally begin to appreciate this song very much. So much that I will listen it to sleep...

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love i found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through

through it all

You were my strength when i was weak

You were my voice when i couldn't speak

You were my eyes when i couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when i couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything i am

Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand i could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and i stood tall

I had your love i had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe i don't know that much

But i know this much is true

I was blessed because i was loved by you...

Im glad I did.

Darling, having you by my side is the most wonderful thing that has happen to me.

Who you talking about???

2008-05-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

2 strangers met and fall in love... in the craziest way...

Me and him.

8 May 2008.

Our love story begins....

Haizzzzzz....

2008-04-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

Mamu tried to dig a lot of secret abt me lately.. what the heck~ He keeps on bugging me to tell him who I really like. Even if I tell the person who I really like..what can the person do.. He will be in shocking state for sure…of maybe even we cant even be friends.. anymore. I treasure the new friendship im having now. Really. Im too self centered if I only think about myself. I put him under grace. God will show a way..even when there seems to be no way. Mamu stop asking me lah… I guess you might noe the ans but… my lips are seal. Don’t worry… I will move on. I don’t know why I like him but I guess we have kinda much in common. I was like….hmmmm.. So much sparks so much co incidence? I dunno. I wont fall in love again. The song.. yeah it adds to it..Add more misery. My heart in pain. All thanks to you. Now I noe you love to DIG.

Maybe youre right. Hes not worth it. If he is worth it I WILL tell for sure. I almost tell him..lucky I was held back by my ego. If not…damn..i will lose face for sure.

I simply love te song With you by chris brown. So what youre tired of it. I like it. Live with it.

Thank you for all the advise.

Im growing stronger each day.

I will only fall in love with a man of God.
Who will worship with me….

2008-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

It’s raining out there... Just like it is in my heart. I realized that I can’t handle heavy stressed. I feel so screwed up lately. And what more I din make it in my Organizational Behaviour. I’m depressed. But what can I do to make it better. I try to find time to study but I ended up doing my work stuff. I’m overloaded with work. My brain couldn’t take it anymore. I resort to smoke heavily recently. For the past 3 days, I’ve been smoking like 5 sticks a day? I’m having second thoughts about this job. Is this what I really want? My first operation job may be my last. I’m just de-orientated. My exec said welcome to the real world. Yeah, I’m still living in a world of my own. I just want to let go of everything and go into isolation. I’m at my peak. I can’t take it anymore….

Some people always reminded me that I should treat people the way I want to be treated. Okok, I admit I’m too fierce at times but have you ever wonder why? Life is full of perception and assumptions. I admit due to the pressure, I’m becoming more task orientated rather than service orientated. I even forget how to smile. But if people are so sensible and responsible for their action, we will not be in this crisis. Some people are just too cool to care. And some people urge me to see the sense of urgency. You think I’m not thinking about it? I’m still learning the rope manz; give me time to settle down. You just push me to my max; I’ll just commit suicide for you to see. I may be laughing and laughing and you may think I’m still in a world of my own. I’m just hiding all my worries and there are times I really want to breakdown. The tears you saw are only one percent of what I’m shedding at home. There is only God who comforts me.

Irin is pondering hard. Should she stay or go? Working in Sentosa has been a tremendous experience for her. Beach station has lost its glory. So is Irin. Working so hard yet not many people appreciate her. All they think is a discipline mistress in action. Is that her strength or her weakness? I let you decide…
I heard he has found a girlfriend. It’s just weeks of our break up. I feel sour though. But what can I do. I choose to break up with him. I choose to suffer alone. I can’t stand that he is so far away from me. God, can you send someone nearer? I’m not asking much…Just someone who can make me laugh, near my sight and most importantly, able to worship you. I’m not going for looks anymore. I just want a man of her sake. Age doesn’t matter and if it matters, matters do age then.

I put my trust in you Lord.

That you will send me a man who will be my light in my darkest hour, holding my hand and leading my path. I promise I will put my heart and be a one man woman. I will not flirt anymore…No more.

Living To Love You....

2008-04-08T04:37:00.000-07:00

When you're gone it's not forever
Cause you're remaining in my heart
So tell me why I feel this aching,
Everytime I think of you when we're apart

Baby for all my life
Don't you know that it's true
I'm living to love you
So baby don't think twice
If you feel what I feel Trust your heart and do what I do,

I admit that from time to time
Im feelin' insecure and think I'm gonna lose my mind
I don't think I'll ever understand
That our love it should never have a happy end
So I'm really gonna try my best to let you know

Now I'm waiting for the winter
To build my castle out of ice
And deep inside this massive building
There's a crystal lake of all the tears I've cried

I living to love you...

2008-04-08T04:21:00.000-07:00

Boy Boy Boy…its been ages since I last really blog on. Im under a heavy stress at work and lotsa school work to revise on. Im really have no time for myself how much more for him. We are falling apart, I guess. On the rocky side I can say. I just dun have time for each other. Everytime he called me, Im either too tired to even communicate with him, Busy at work or sleeping. He said Ive changed.Maybe I am. Haaa..maybe its better for us to be on our separate ways. I can focus on what I wanna do and who I wanna be with. I guess its not him my heart wanna be with…coz hes kinda far away from my sight…

Ohh…enough of lovelife..get a life, Irin Suzanne!!!
Working in Sentosa, Ive meet the worst people Ive never met in my entire life. People who are just plain lame, plain boring, plain irritating, plain idiotic, plain stubbon worst then a mule and the list go on. Do sweet and nice people exist in Sentosa??? Its not like what it seems. Well, perhaps, Im the only one…whahahahahahaha…. The only Bitch you hate to see in the Island. That’s what they called me. And I live it to my name. Im the Disapline Mistress of Sentosa Express. Well, all the freaks out there, only the best survive. If you think you cant work with me, Fugged off. Don’t show me attitude problems. I’ll make hell outta you. Try me. Ive been very nice but…. Take me for granted la…take take take…try me… I will naggggg the ass of you.

Welcome to Sentosa~ Hah.

Dissapointed =((

2007-11-13T01:02:00.001-08:00

I found out something.... Hes younger than me........ Haizzzzzz.... spirit of heaviness now clouding me.... Im dissapointed. Sad =((

So Luge do have A cute guy afterall...lol... I saw him this afternoon... smiling at me... I just.... Melt away. =))

Im going on leave. For 8 freaking days. Coming back on 22 Nov.. so dun think I will be blogging till then...

Im dead tired~

2007-11-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

Im freaking tired. Been working like a full shift today coz no in charge in Sentosa Station. From morning to nite.. Im having red tired eyes. Im really tired. And guest what??? Im working morning shift tomorrow~!!! Haaaaaa...dunno if I can wake up manz.

Pray for me.

Im able to.

Too tired physically.

Too tired emotionally.

Too tired to continue.

I Get the Message...

2007-10-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

I think I get his message... I am his friend. Tho, Im not very happy about it... at least I know my answer. My soul downcast for a while...but Ill move on. I hope so. My mountain is a plain now. So is my heart.

I need a break.

Im going to look for a pt job to earn more income. At least I can work during my off days and not park my ass at home.

Haaaa, update again lata... gtg work my ass out of my office.

All I found is myself always thinking of you

2007-10-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

I try to smile so the hurt wont show Tell everybody I was glad to see you go But the tears just won't go away Loneliness found me, looks like its here to stay I know that I ought to find someone new But all I found is myself always thinking of you.....

Sounds familiar??? ... Yeah its from my new bloggy song. Exactly how im feeling now...

Emo, Emo, Emo.. Just let it be me. Ill be fine after tonite.

Gonna enjoy my off day tomorrow. Retail therapy maybe. Haiz..I dunno.. just wait and see...

I need a shoulder to cry on...

I need a pillar of strength...

Jesus I need you.

I feel like going MIA again. Just let go of everything Im having now.

Jesus I need you.

I need you badly.

Finally, Im back blogging~

2007-10-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hey, Its been quite a while since I last blog. Been busy with my work.

Hey, I made it to the first service today..Wee Wee Wee.. Its an achievement..lol

I read my daily devotional today..God will deliver you from all your troubles. (2 Timothy 4:18) But deliverance is actually not the best that God has for you because it implies that you are in trouble. God’s best for you is the place where no trouble or evil can touch you. And with God’s help, you will come to that place because the Bible says, “He shall deliver you in six troubles, yes, in seven no evil shall touch you.” AMEN~I like it. No weapon against me shall prosper.

Its been coming to a month..we have no communication. perhaps its clearly saying tt ...move on. Im still holding on. Why??? I have no faith in it???
Its written tt if you say it to the mountain, believing it with all your heart of what youve said..you will move the mountain away. Pray for me. My mountain will be moved. In Jesus mighty name. Amen~

I need your prayers~

Abundantly.

Im Pissed~!!!

2007-10-16T00:55:00.000-07:00

Hey...whoever you are..stop spamming my taggy box. Tag else where you idiot. Im not a sex freak.. I DUN NEED SEX EDUCATION IN MY BLOG.

Two Words...

FUGGED OFF.

Im sick....Help needed~!!!

2007-10-13T23:56:00.001-07:00

Arrggghh....Im having fever and working rite now..can you imagine it??? Having stone over my head and welcoming guest... Arrggghhh.... Im really sick this time. And I dread it. Might be seeing doc tonite...and guess what..Im working morning again tomorrow. How fantastic. I tot of just take MC at least 2 - 3 days and sleep at home... Can I???

Finishing work soon and I tot of going to church for last service. but my sister not picking up her phone. Called home and found out that Shes sleeping at home like a pig. Looks like Im not going for today service then. People, pray for me... I need lots of prayer...I wanna move on.

I serve this guest today..Kept talking to me in Malay... I really dunno how to ans him... I ans in Eng he said dunno...malay... Duhz... My malay sux lah...I can listen but for me to converse back a little diff. Im tongue tite... I may look malay but hey... English please...~!!!Hmmpz.

Irin focus Irin...Dun sway....

Ill work and work and not think abt it.

Life is great even without him... dont you agree??? Daddy God has a better one for me and is preparing me to handle him... Wait on the Lord... and he will surely deliver abundantly not in Quantity but in Quality.

JESUS IS LORD.

=))

Arrrgghhhh....

2007-10-12T02:57:00.000-07:00

If you knew me...Im always screaming my heart out....Yelling my lungs out... SOME PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE SHOT... why is it they are sooo free and gotta nothing to do??? Keep on complaining and complaining abt other people??? I HATE THEM...I SWEAR I HATE THEIR SIGHT. IT IS IRRITATING....Aarrrrrrrrrhggggggghhhhhhh~

Im left with 2 more days before my fate is seal... Looking at it now...I guess I have to forget about him. My eyes are gonna be like goldfish soon...MC is calling me. Im gonna drown my sorrow....soon... Irin-san... is lifeless.. for awhile. "AGAIN??" . dats what my elder sis said... Im a goner.. secretly in love with someone who is not even looking at me. Irin Irin..you deserve to be shot.

Somebody shoot me... Im wrong to work in Sentosa.. I should not even come back to Singapore.

Haiz... =((

My Heart Under Grace

2007-10-07T17:17:00.000-07:00

Just came back from church...Urmmmh.. I feel the life man... Its great having Jesus around.. you know that you be greatly loved no matter what you do. Today pastor Prince talk about grace...everything under grace...wow... I feel good after hearing it...okok..I cried as well. I put my financial under grace coz God will sponsor me to go back to Canada. I put my heart under grace coz God loves me too much to make me heartbroken. I put AHEM under grace coz God will lead him the way. I put my 2 supervisors under grace coz say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence(my 2 supervisors are) He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.- Amen~!!! You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.~ Amen~!!! If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the Lord, who is my refuge-- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. She will call upon me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honor her. With long life will I satisfy IRIN SUZANNE and show her my salvation." Amen. God is good. Oh God forgive my anger...some people just deserve to be shot. Mercy mercy... irin.

Im so affected by it....

2007-10-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

Im so affected by it believe me... I just wish I have the courage to tell you how much feelings I have for you. Im trying to run away most of the times but you seems to lead me on. Im so afraid....what if Ive fallen for you?? My greatest fear is falling in love. What if you tell me...hey...im kidding...i can just go and kill myself lah...I think I already am....falling..

Lord, show me his true colours.... I dun wanna be lead on... If he is not for me...take the desire away from me. I just wanna move on. If I carry on like this... Im afraid my work will be affected once again... Lord.. I need your wisdom... your abundant of favours surrounding me like a shield.
Tell me what should I do ??? Should I stay or should I go....

I need you......

Heys Where is my photo???

2007-10-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

I wanna my photo... But he still havvent email me..... Aarrrrrrrggggghhhhh...

LORD.........I WANNA MY PHOTO................. WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

-________-

Im still looking for cheap airline ticket to Aust... any rec anyone??

I need a break...

And I miss him.

BEACHIES...BACK ONCE AGAIN

2007-09-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

Prawn in the Mussel...by Ong Pang Yen

A hungry man is an angry man...Eltoninho cant wait...

Teo Kim Sheng was shot by the fishes...

Irin-san, Devin-san and Ong pang yen

Beachies..... I just love them..

Us In Manhattan..

Finally, we met up again...all beachies... I just love them... From soccer to playing pool..the fun that we had..it can never be replaced. It has been a long time since i had this fun like this. So much of laughter and craziness... I love you guys lotsa~!!!

An unexpected event happened today.. I cannot imagine it... neither were the beachies...lol..sorry guys...Im on cloud nine... free ride. I cannot see properly tonite...lol.

THANK YOU LORD..I LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY GIVEN... MORE OF IT PLEASE...

I LOVE YOU LORD~ LOVE YOU TO THE MAX.

2007-09-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

In a japanese restaurant...freaking cheap lah...

This pic in Thai Airways... they have cute steward serving you...btw...

Havent been posting lately..well pretty busy with work. Making myself busy more likely. Ive a pix from my d&d from sentosa on arabian nitez to share...tho it was like long ago...kekekeke

Those were the days...the time we were so close...but i guess due to work pressure with each and everyone of us...we were drifted apart.. Those good all days were gone with the wind..Now some of us are not even talking...I wonder why??? Im fine with it coz at the end of the day its the choice you make... If we dont make an effort to last the friendship...it will not even worth of mentioning.... Ill pray this will end... and the good old day will revive as before.

Im starting to love going for class. I saw this cutttie in my class the last week I went for the Personal Branding course. He sat behind me...OMG... he makes my day... =))

2 more years to go...before my final year of BSc (Hons) International Tourism and Hospitality Management by University of Sunderland,UK.

Im focusing nw to work...work work......

I wanna go Australia.... Darling sister following me?

I will miss you...

2007-09-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah...maybe I should just go...forget about you...forget about everything...

Move on...move on... move on.

Irin will not go Beach anymore.

Time will tell and youll know why...

Should I forget him and accept another???

Im lost.. my heart lost....

haiz.......

Heya..A New Beginning..

2007-09-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Heya....
Ive created a new blog..I just wanna abandon the old one...and start anew.

Ive decided to stay on in Sentosa. Im taking part time degree in International Tourism Management you see so I need the exposure to help me in my assignment. Im sorry to disappoint all of you out there for hoping me to quit. IM STAYING TO FREAK YOU OUT. Whahahahahahha~

Maybe it mean nothing to you...Maybe you dont even care. But I do. It was a walk to remember with you. Every minute, every sec of it..Im enjoying every moment. But I just dont understand you... you cant wait to see me go is it?? why say I should go then dont have to see you anymore... WHAT THE FUGGED~!! It breaks my heart. Im like nothing to say for a while. If that is what you want...im sorry to disappoint you. I will break your heart then. Im at the midst to forget you...why suddenly turned out of nowhere. Why why why..... now im struggling with my heart again. The reason why I dont wanna go to Beach Station is...I wanna forget you. I dun wanna hang on.. Its my wishing part. Its my problem. I just wanna learn to let go...

Lord, I pray hard...please guard my heart. I dun wanna fall again.